Living the life of a human being and understanding our needs is intricate work. There’s a requirement of conscious thought surrounding necessities and desires. We spend our lives trying to master these desires all alone. Why are we afraid to ask for what we want and need? We breeze in and out of months meeting demands to earn a living or uphold our families. Sometimes, we forget to think about our own personal desires. To ask for love and help can make us feel needy and weak. To accept love and help is therefor, all the more hard of a task. Societal roles, uneven responsibility distribution, and a lack of self care can do a number on us. Some of us may arrive to a point where we don’t ask for anything at all. Personally, it has been hard for me to ask for help in the past. When thinking about where I learned this, I feel it could be generational. I’ve never been exposed to women asking for anything.
Reflecting On Accepting Help From Others
I never saw my mother ask for assistance with what she needed, she just got it done. After I had my son, it was very much the same for me. I didn’t want to ask for help, because I didn’t want to seem like I didn’t know what I was doing. The reality was, as first time mom, I really didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Although I usually figured things out, it would have been much easier had I asked for guidance. Why did I voluntarily suffer? I think we want to appear as strong and independent as we possibly can. It’s important to be okay with not knowing things or knowing how to do things.
Not knowing is the first step to learning something new.
As a woman, you sometimes feel you are everyone’s lifesaver. Whether you are a mother, daughter, sister, wife or friend – any role of a woman can be consuming. Since we can often be the source of solutions, where our responsibilities look different than everyone else’s. Many days are spent thinking around the clock to keep multiple ships afloat. I have come to realize that as women, we soften slip into a perpetual state of productivity and state of feeling overwhelmed. Even with powerful roles, there has to be a reset. There has to be a moment where someone is taking care of us and tending to our needs. There has to be zero shame around us asking for help, especially if we are constantly giving it.
Avoiding The Shame in Asking for Help
For me, there was a major shift when I “ran out of gas”. Meeting absolute exhaustion is when I decided I didn’t have to take on the entire world on my own. My transition happened when I began to ask myself why I felt like I needed to take on the world? I learned to be still. Sitting with yourself and doing nothing allows you to listen to the inner you. If you are constantly moving, then you are never still enough to analyze your thoughts and wellness. If you find yourself short fused, exhausted, and scatterbrained, it is most likely because you are ignoring needs. Take a moment to reach out to someone you trust: ask for help.
Remind yourself that you are worthy of the relief.
Asking others for help is like building a muscle. Once you ask someone for assistance and you see how easy it is, you’ll have the courage to do it again. Be confident when you ask for help and release the idea that others are judging you. Since you rarely ask for help, people will most likely meet you with delight to assist. Helping other people brings a sense of purpose and joy. Know that others are happy to support you and love you through it all. If you feel undeserving of help and love, there must be some inner work to sift through to understand why. Ask yourself questions surrounding your ideals regarding support. When you find yourself second guessing about asking, remember that help is healing.
Leading Image via Shereen Mohammad